We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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