I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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