Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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