are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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