just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
