dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
