Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
