physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
