she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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