I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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