oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
