Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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