I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
is wine microwaveable?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
