That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize