Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
