dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
