we have officially lost it.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
