it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
