Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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