Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
