just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
