That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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