Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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