girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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