everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
