the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
