i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize