I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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