No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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