Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Randomize
