Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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