dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
