It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Randomize
