Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize