You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
