The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
