why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
