So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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