EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
