I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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