Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
