toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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