i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Congratulations! We have a period
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
