the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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