garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
it's like iHOP with fire
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
