when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
