Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
