Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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