I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
