I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
