I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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