pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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