we made out on top of his cat.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
