i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
A bitchslap is in order.
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