cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
