Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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