Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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