My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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